Oh, the Big Bullies of the World.

Okay, one deep and serious piece. Only because it’s important. And hey, Conan O’Brien was able to fit a similar themed message into his Mark Twain award acceptance speech. I know, I know, I’m not Conan O’Brien. It’s still worth a shot though.

The writer, Andre Dubus III was bullied in his formative years. And his writing - which I’ve only just begun getting into - often reflects themes of struggle, identity, and resilience. I’m hoping I can carve out some pretty fantastic themes in my writing then too. Because I’ve got the receipt of some good bullying and harassment under my belt.

Never understood the whole bullying thing. The entire logic and concept blows my mind. But, I’m also always the outlier in common thought, belief, and opinion. So maybe the rest of y’all get it. Please, drop me a contact note if you do. I’m dying to know. Though I find it hard to use my big, adult words sometimes, I can still usually manage to put my big girl pants on and belt some out. Now how successfully they’re received on the other end is another story. But at least I didn’t take the bullying route right? Right.

Anyway, Andre Dubus III is a #1 New York Times bestseller, a finalist for the National Book Award, and continues to receive critical acclaim. There’s hope for me, right. A bullying experience in each life. Mmmm, maybe. Below is the writing, recognizably void of the wit, sarcasm, and humor I’m hellbent on using as written in the About page - but it’s actually a public love note, full of educational material, to those that bullied and harassed me. The experience kicked off the prior 50 versions of this website that led to this one. Maybe if my first drafts on this site actually don’t suck, the bullies will have done me a favor.

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“ [Mark] Twain hated bullies and he populated his works with abusers, such as Huck Finn’s abusive father, and he made his readers hate those characters. He punched up, not down and he deeply, deeply empathized with the weak.” - Conan O’Brien

Traumatic experiences can force a lot of us into a mode of self-examination or self-reflection. The experiences leave us with feelings that can be heavy and negative, leading us to figure out ways to cope.

One approach to coping is by stuffing or covering up these feelings. A second approach is to self-reflect and learn how to heal. Under the first approach, burying feelings can manifest negative behaviors such as addiction, unhealthy communication, bullying/harassment, insecurities, or other unresolved mental health issues.  

Here we’ll focus on adult bullying and harassment and what may be causing a rise in such behavior. The focus of this writing is not to say that bullying/harassment is any worse than addictions, being abusive, or any other negative behavior resulting from burying unresolved mental health issues. It’s never appropriate to compare the suffering of one person to another. The same approach of non-comparison applies here.

Bullying and harassment can be rooted in an “individual’s psychology, social experiences, and personal history. The roots of bullying can often be traced back to unresolved mental health concerns. Untreated disorders, like narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and even certain mood disorders and ADHD. More importantly, bullying may sometimes be seen as a bid for power and control or a method to cope with inner chaos.” (BetterHelp Editorial Team. Why Do Adults Become Bullies? A Clinical Perspective On A Growing Issue. Betterhelp.com. January 21, 2026. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/bullying/why-do-adults-become-bullies-a-clinical-perspective-on-a-growing-issue/).

‍“As we mature, society generally expects us to outgrow the pettiness and cruelty often associated with playground tactics. Yet, the unpleasant reality may remain: Adult bullying can be a stark and growing issue.” (Why Do Adults Become Bullies? A Clinical Perspective On A Growing Issue. Betterhelp.com. January 21, 2026.)

Naturally, there are many consequences to being the target of bullying and harassment, just as there are many mental health consequences for the bully or harasser themselves. Therapy can assist both the bully and the person being bullied. A therapist and further help can be found on Betterhelp.com.

A person who is bullied may suffer from depression, anxiety, nightmares, helplessness, worthlessness, PTSD, or many other negative physical and psychological symptoms. Therapy can help. Finding a trusted confidant can help. Exercising self care, compassion, and loving yourself can help. Finding a community of good, supportive people may do wonders. Find an outlet to learn to live and cope through the storm of harassment and hate. And remember the disturbance and disorder lies within those doing the bullying or harassing.

For those that bully and harass others, therapy can have a tremendously healing role in resolving the underlying issues causing the behavior. Therapy can help adult bullies navigate prior trauma and learn how to develop empathy and emotional intelligence. “Rather than resorting to intimidation or aggression when faced with stress or conflict, they can learn to respond in a more constructive, non-violent manner. The emergence of an adult bully is not often a spontaneous occurrence, but a result of interwoven factors encompassing mental health, past abuse, low self-esteem, and societal influences.” (Why Do Adults Become Bullies? A Clinical Perspective On A Growing Issue. Betterhelp.com. January 21, 2026.) Bullies can also learn to love themselves. They can learn to look at themselves with compassion, so that compassion can be carried out through civil, emotionally intelligent, and communicative behaviors toward others. This compassionate effort can resolve conflict and problems in a peaceful manner.

Both the bully and the one being bullied are victims. The former a victim to their own destructive behavior and mental health disorders, the latter a victim to the bully. Bullying and harassing never solve problems. The behavior only serves to destroy people, lives, communities and relationships. The behavior breeds and spreads hate throughout society.